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DavidMacgeor
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The sex seems to have disappeared from your relationship and you don't know what to do about it. What is the reason this has happened? Finding out the cause of your partner's unwillingness to have sex is what will lead to you being able to solve the problem.
Many couples find it difficult to discuss their sex live, because when they talk about it; all the tension and frustration that has built up lead to an unpleasant argument. Things are said that cannot be taken back, and the relationship ends up in a vicious cycle. This can be very stressful on the relationship and unless you can come together with your partner and participate in a loving, caring discussion where you both take each others feelings' into consideration then perhaps this problem can be repaired.
Find Out the Cause
Is a serious illness or injury the reason? Was your partner a victim of assault? Is it simply a difference in sexual appetite? Whatever the reason; it is a safe bet if the two of you work on talking about this problem without blaming each other and without getting angry with each other, then there are ways that you can obtain a reasonable solution.
Illness And Injury
If your lover is ill or injured, then this something that is out of both your control, however there may be a way that you and your partner to satisfy each others needs' until the medical situation can be resolved. If it is a serious illness or injury and it's looking like taking awhile before your partner is back to his or herself, then patience is key here. Your partner certainly did not ask to get sick or hurt, and blaming them every time they are unable to engage in sexual activity due to their illness or injury, then this situation makes a bad situation even worse.
Differing Sexual Appetite
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your sex drive in comparison with your partners. If you are a 10, and your partner is a 1, this essentially means you are most likely going to want sex 9 times more that your partner. Some people's sex drives' change overtime. A woman in her thirties may be craving sexual activity all the time, which is common for woman of that age, however when she gets to her forties, she may lose interest in sex. Men in their late teens to mid twenties are likely to have an extremely active sex drive, however when that same man reaches his fifties or sixties, it could start to wane, or maybe not. Sex drive cannot be measured by age, gender or life changing occurrences.
I once heard of a woman who lost her mother to cancer, and her sexual appetite increased. This could have been because she needed the closeness from her spouse, given that she had lost her mum or it simply could have been her grief needing a physical, sexual release. When it comes to sexual appetite, there is not normal. What feels right for you is what is normal.
Do Not Blame Each Other
It's very easy to get caught up in the blame game when we are frustrated, hurt, angry and disappointed, but this is a big mistake, that may do serious damage to your relationship. Making threats of leaving won't do your relationship any favours either, this will just begin to destroy the trust. And sleeping with someone else to get your physical needs met, well this one should go without saying. Cheating on your partner will quite possibly destroy your relationship and set you up to encounter a nasty breakup.
All of the above advice is so much easier said that done, however I will leave you with a few tips that will help to bring love-making back into your relationship:


Talk to your partner - do this as often as you feel comfortable, but don't put it off. Working together to find a mutually agreeable solution with bring you closer.

Decide on action - the more you put off taking the steps to solving your sexual issue, the more frustrated you will become.

See your doctor - this is something you should do together, and your doctor will be able to diagnose why your partner is uninterested in sex and why. If it is a physical reason, this can be treated.

Do your research - find out all that you can about low sex drive, and sexual appetite.

Keep Talking about this problem - always maintain an open door when it comes to communicating about this issue, if you can't talk about it, then how can you solve this problem

Avoid discussions whilst in bed - When you are side by side in bed, then relationship problems should not be discussed, especially volatile one like this. And don't go to sleep angry.

Stop talking if you feel angry - if you are talking with your partner about this and you start to get emotional, stop all discussion and return to it when you feel calm. The same thing goes for your partner, if he or she is getting emotional, end the discussion.

Get Professional help - seek counselling or seek the advice of a sex therapist. It could help.


The above ideas only scratch the surface on what you can try in terms of getting your relationship and sex life back on track. The most important thing to remember here is: If there are problems with the relationship, then this will transfer over to your sex life, and likely ruin it and there is no quick fix here; until you solve any relationship problems you will not have a happy and satisfactory sex life.
If you liked this article then read Marriage On The Rocks
Copyright A R Whitney 2012